Happy Zombie Day

by Robbie Hunter

Z Day started off as a typical Saturday for me: pissed off at everyone and everything. I was pissed off because I was trapped indoors with a bunch of pathetic whiners. Not all of them were whining, though. Some were just sitting there quietly, though one guy was looking murderously at the fat bastard who swiped the last donut. St. Rotundus, patron saint of lardasses, needed a few more salads and a few less donuts, if you ask my opinion.

The court-appointed quack didn’t bother to show up for today’s whinefest. It was good in that I didn’t have to listen to this sanctimonious, condescending ass try to lecture us on how we’re powerless and we need a Higher Powerâ„¢ to govern our lives. I mean, hell, I get enough of that at school. It was bad in that I was wasting my time at the counseling center when I could have been doing something productive, like World of Warcraft or Left 4 Dead.

To make matters worse, the corporate-whore-media-shill on the tube was going on about riots breaking out at the medical center.

Being the kind, sensitive, and patient soul that I am, I informed the wage-slave office drone, who looked like she was a reject from the latest Romero flick, that I was getting the hell out of there. She made me sign a few papers, but I stood away from her; I didn’t want to catch whatever bug it was that she had.

The guy who was all butt-hurt about missing out on the last donut offered to give me a ride home. I admit to being just a little creeped out by it, but given the reports of the riots going on around the area, I decided that it was best if I accepted his offer. He said his name was Joe.

That is when the not-so-proverbial shit hit the fan.

We were walking to Joe’s truck when he stopped to talk to a friend of his. Meanwhile, a couple of esteemed representatives of the Houston Pig Department ran into the ER and start popping off caps like crazy.

Oinker #1 made a hasty and unscheduled departure from the ER via the front window, followed by some blood-spattered nurse who started nibbling on the Oinker like he was the last pork chop on the plate. Yeah, and I thought I was creeped out before….

Joe pulled out a gun and started shooting at the nurse who was chowing down on the cop, but she didn’t seem reall phased by this. I mentioned that he should shoot her in the head, which he did. That seemed to take the fight out of her – permanently.

Anyway, things started happening really fast, but don’t ask for details. I was too busy trying not to piss myself to pay too much attention. So now Joe was trying to drive me and his friend Seth to his brother’s place where we can stock up on guns and ammo, but that’s a story for another time.


All butt-hurt? That is a new one.

Happy Zombie Day

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